Anger, resentment, confusion, frustration, sadness. If these were phrases in a word game (Taboo, anyone), guess what I’d be describing? No, I’m not naming the feelings associated with summer vacation ending and school starting up again (although one could argue that these reflect accurate back-to-school feelings). I’m referring to a breakup. We’ve likely been down this road before: perhaps you’ve dated someone for awhile, devoted all your time and energy into them, as well as loved them with all your heart and soul. Then, out of nowhere, the unthinkable happens—your longtime partner wants to break up. Before you eat your sorrows away with a gallon of ice cream or get your pillow ready for a cry fest, read on to learn some steps on how to successfully move on like a pro.
Let it all Out
As I mentioned earlier, you’ll experience a myriad of feelings. It’s completely normal to feel different emotions. Don’t repress these feelings. Instead, acknowledge them, embrace them and accept them. Know that these reactions will lessen with time. If you feel like crying, let your tears fall. If you feel sad, allow yourself to grieve. Take the time out to really process your feelings. While the emotions you feel may be painful, trying to ignore them will only extend the grieving process. If you shut yourself off to emotions and let it build, it could lead to an unnecessary explosion of emotions later. You may find it hard to talk to other people about how you're feeling, but it’s an important part of the healing process. You’ll feel less alone knowing that others are aware of your feelings and venting will help you let off some steam. Don’t get stuck in your emotions, let them take over, or over analyze everything. It will prevent you from moving forward. Express your feelings—just enough to liberate yourself form the emotional baggage.
Forgive
Even if your relationship ended on bad terms, forgiveness is still in order. Forgiving the act or behavior that caused the relationship to end does not excuse or negate one’s actions; rather, it allows you to move on. In order to forgive the other person, you must first forgive yourself. Think about how you are denying yourself from the happiness you deserve by dwelling on your grievances. If you harbor these negative feelings and are still hanging on to what went wrong, it will prevent you from starting another healthy relationship. Forgive yourself for everything that has happened and forgiveness towards the other person will naturally follow. This does not mean you have to physically visit or call your ex. Start by forgiving them within yourself and the weight on your shoulders that’s dragging you down will be lifted.
Focus on You
Rather than dwelling on your past relationship, start focusing on yourself and your future. Take the opportunity to reevaluate and improve your life. Surround yourself with people who support, value, and motivate you. If you feel like you had lost your social network while you were in a relationship, use the occasion to cultivate new friendships. Make an effort to be more active. Join a networking group or special interest club, gain a new hobby, take a class, get involved in community activities, and use your free time as an opportunity to get out there and enjoy life!
After I broke up with my ex, whom I was with for three years, I shifted the focus towards myself. I started using my extra time to go to the gym. It allowed me the opportunity to let off some steam and the feeling of running was invigorating. I made it a habit to be active, which I felt I had no time for when I was in a relationship. The results were amazing—I felt good and I looked good. I also started focusing on school, talking to academic counselors for further guidance, and getting in all my applications for college. I ended up getting into every school I wanted to attend. While focusing on myself and going out, I was able to build stronger relationships with my good friends and create new friendships with like-minded peers. While working on my personal quest to better myself, I ended up meeting someone new and we started dating. It’s funny how when you start focusing on what’s important to you, things just seem to fall into place. And the cherry on top—it felt damn good running into my ex—looking my best, with stories of Berkeley to share and a new sexy man by my side. There’s something satisfying about letting them see the “you” they missed out on!
Let it all Out
As I mentioned earlier, you’ll experience a myriad of feelings. It’s completely normal to feel different emotions. Don’t repress these feelings. Instead, acknowledge them, embrace them and accept them. Know that these reactions will lessen with time. If you feel like crying, let your tears fall. If you feel sad, allow yourself to grieve. Take the time out to really process your feelings. While the emotions you feel may be painful, trying to ignore them will only extend the grieving process. If you shut yourself off to emotions and let it build, it could lead to an unnecessary explosion of emotions later. You may find it hard to talk to other people about how you're feeling, but it’s an important part of the healing process. You’ll feel less alone knowing that others are aware of your feelings and venting will help you let off some steam. Don’t get stuck in your emotions, let them take over, or over analyze everything. It will prevent you from moving forward. Express your feelings—just enough to liberate yourself form the emotional baggage.
Forgive
Even if your relationship ended on bad terms, forgiveness is still in order. Forgiving the act or behavior that caused the relationship to end does not excuse or negate one’s actions; rather, it allows you to move on. In order to forgive the other person, you must first forgive yourself. Think about how you are denying yourself from the happiness you deserve by dwelling on your grievances. If you harbor these negative feelings and are still hanging on to what went wrong, it will prevent you from starting another healthy relationship. Forgive yourself for everything that has happened and forgiveness towards the other person will naturally follow. This does not mean you have to physically visit or call your ex. Start by forgiving them within yourself and the weight on your shoulders that’s dragging you down will be lifted.
Focus on You
Rather than dwelling on your past relationship, start focusing on yourself and your future. Take the opportunity to reevaluate and improve your life. Surround yourself with people who support, value, and motivate you. If you feel like you had lost your social network while you were in a relationship, use the occasion to cultivate new friendships. Make an effort to be more active. Join a networking group or special interest club, gain a new hobby, take a class, get involved in community activities, and use your free time as an opportunity to get out there and enjoy life!
After I broke up with my ex, whom I was with for three years, I shifted the focus towards myself. I started using my extra time to go to the gym. It allowed me the opportunity to let off some steam and the feeling of running was invigorating. I made it a habit to be active, which I felt I had no time for when I was in a relationship. The results were amazing—I felt good and I looked good. I also started focusing on school, talking to academic counselors for further guidance, and getting in all my applications for college. I ended up getting into every school I wanted to attend. While focusing on myself and going out, I was able to build stronger relationships with my good friends and create new friendships with like-minded peers. While working on my personal quest to better myself, I ended up meeting someone new and we started dating. It’s funny how when you start focusing on what’s important to you, things just seem to fall into place. And the cherry on top—it felt damn good running into my ex—looking my best, with stories of Berkeley to share and a new sexy man by my side. There’s something satisfying about letting them see the “you” they missed out on!