All ‘80s cartoon references aside, I am back—ready to bust more dating myths and reveal equal doses of reality! There of course can’t be a Part I without a Part II and in the ever-so-confusing world of dating, the list of myths can be as long as the Nile River (likely longer)! Believe it or not, we’re all on the same boat on that mysterious river. However, you can increase your chances of staying afloat in the depths of dating. Smooth sailing is ahead! Read on as I drop knowledge on why you should be selective, talk more and not be afraid to exude confidence.
Myth: You should let the other person talk
Reality Check: Often times, people are so afraid of dominating the conversation that they end up letting the other person do all the talking…and I mean ALL. Speak up! Rather than concentrating on the fact that people love talking about themselves, it’s important to also understand that the conversation should be balanced and equal, with both sides actively engaging and sharing information. Don’t be afraid to refer to yourself during conversation, it’s not narcissistic. According to a study published in Personal Relationships, Men go for women who use the word “I” frequently. This indicates self-disclosure, which promotes intimacy and closeness. Having a great conversation going is a must in any stage of a relationship.
Myth: The more people I go out with, the better chance I have of meeting my perfect match
Reality check: Yes, this would seem accurate when looking at it in a probabilistic way and with the popularity of speed dating, we see that the more “dates” we go on, the more we can pinpoint our match based on qualities we like and don’t like. However, it’s important to note that we are not increasing our chances by going on more dates—we are just given a bigger pool to choose from. The purpose of dating is to find a lasting partner; it should not be treated as a numbers game.
Think of an HR team looking for the ideal job candidate. They can interview a large number of applicants who apply and still not find the right person for the job. By being more selective upfront in who they interview, they are more likely to find someone who is a perfect fit. The same goes for dating—you have to be selective in who you date and pursue “candidates” you know stand a chance at working out. It’s better to date fewer people who have the qualities you ask for on your checklist than to date dozens of people who seem nice but don’t quite fit the bill.
Myth: Men are intimidated by confident, successful women
Reality Check: Just because men are competitive by nature, doesn’t mean they have a Charlie Sheen “winning” mentality. Dating is not a game in which one person has to one-up the other in terms of success. And while some men are indeed intimidated by successful women (because they may think it may make them less “manly”), the truth is only 6% of men would be concerned if their date made more than them, according to an AskMen survey.
Some can be intimidated by independent women, but it’s not for the reasons that we may typically think. Perhaps it may look like she does not have space in her life for him, especially if she already has it going for her. Once this view fades, many men prefer these types of women. Women who radiate confidence can be seen as strong and assertive. Look at the cult following of the book Why Men Love Bitches (in which it describes how a strong woman is more desirable than a “yes” woman). Successful women must be doing something right!
Whether you’re on a first date or in a stable relationship, the advice remains the same. Show those dating urban legends who’s boss and go out there and create your own dating stories (you know, the good stuff that legends are made of)!